To love or not to love

        A lot of people have asked what love is. Over the years I have questioned the definition and practice of Love. It dawned on me that my idea of love was loosely/unconsciously based on my emotions/feelings. Of course sometimes, these feelings can go overboard and you think “oh, I am in heaven, I am soooo in love”, and it can be so non existent that you say “I don’t like him like that, I am not feeling him”. I was minding my business the other day when these thoughts started coming to me;

       Love is not feelings and emotions, it is a commitment. It is a responsibility to do something which you would normally not be able to do. When your feelings and emotions control your definition of love, you get sidetracked or even deceived. When your love is based on your feelings/emotions, you are restrained from doing a lot of things which you could do if you loved unconditionally.

        For instance, you won’t be able to love your enemy cos you don’t have feelings for them. When your love is based on feelings/emotions, you will wake up and say you don’t love your children or spouse cos you don’t have feelings for them any more. I have heard wives/husbands or children who claim they don’t like their parents or partners, they claim they have fallen out of love or they are not attracted to them any more. Love is beyond attraction, love is a commitment.

        You won’t be able to love God fully until you go beyond feelings. Sometimes in dealing with God, you may not feel him as you wish. You may go about your duties expecting to have some emotional attachment, but when you don’t find them, you begin to question the love of God.

       Biblical love is given freely, it is not based on something the other person has done, this is what God demonstrated when he sent his son to die for us…..while we were still sinners, or better still his enemies.

        Past hurts, mistrust, doubts or just looking around your environment and seeing the filth in people can make you flee from loving anyone, but we were given a mandate to love and that’s what we should do. The great book (aka bible) summarized all the commandments in one sentence “love”. Love God and love your neighbors as yourself. In other words, you have to be able to love yourself to be able to love your neighbor in the same manner. Some people do not love themselves or they have forgotten how. Some have lost regard for themselves and personalities. Some have lost who they are, but there’s still hope for anyone like that. You can always retrace your step.

      You have to love God, love others/neighbors/enemies/friends/colleagues and of course love yourself. To determine how to do that, I went back to the definition of love as written in 1 cor. 13.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

         Trying to do everything at once had been my Achilles heel, until I learned to take it one day, one step at a time. I embarked on a journey of discovery where I went each day with the intent of practicing one word from the verses above; On the first day, I decided I was going to teach myself how to love by being patient with God, with myself and with anyone who came my way. The next day I picked on kindness; I am going to be kind to myself and to people around me.

        In the process of this exercise, I had to cut down some excesses, I learned to be patient and I found it very rewarding. Now I know that my love is not based on what you can do for me or how I feel about you, rather it is based on my commitment to God; it is based on my responsibility to love unconditionally. To love irrespective of the response and to love even when I don’t feel like it or when you are so unlovable.

                  My words, my views, my style! Naijagirl©2009