Why I hate my husband

        After I left secondary school, I started getting names of school mates who had entered the marriage mart. At first, I kept asking why, why, why. What are they looking for in a husband’s house at that age? But after a while, I learned to keep shut and to thank God for their marriages. In the same manner, I got to sympathize with some of them whose marriages were not working out; those that learned through the hard way that all that glitters is not gold, either due to spousal abuse or some other kind of issue.       

       Ok, I am not here to discuss early marriage….my parents got married at an early age and I like that cos it makes you grow up with your kids; you are able to run around with your 3year old boy without complaining of waist pain or arthritis. At least you can relate to some of the lingos used by your children’s generation, however, I came across a report from sunnewsonline and I had to comment on it.

     According to the report, some women were asked what they hated about their husbands and the answers of some of them were just shocking to me. What got to me was that most of them were young marriages; between 1-5 years. Seriously, Why jump into marriage if you are gonna start complaining after a year? A year? Man, In a year, your wedding cake should still be in your fridge. If you were gonna complain this bad, you might as well had left the man/woman for another person to scoop up. I am of the school of thot that every human being submits to someone on earth. There’s a woman somewhere that a particular guy would listen to or submit to, no matter how diabolical this guy is and vice versa. So, why not leave that partner of yours for the person that would appreciate him/her in the first place?

Words of advice: the more you dwell on your partner’s shortcomings, the more difficult it would be for you to move forward. Just recently I learned I was unconsciously trying to change a friend of mine without even knowing it. Trying to change you hasn’t done me any good, so I have resulted to trying to change me. I am trying to focus on the good in you and to minimize the negatives I used to see. You are not the best person but the light that shines through me is shining on you to show the good in you.

          Please start speaking prophetically into them; instead of accusing “you smoke too much or I hate everything about you like one of them commented, try ‘do you know who you are to me? Do you know what you mean to me? If only you see the “you” that I see; the potentials/untapped potentials in you. I know there’s a real man of God trapped in that arena. You may not see it, but I see it

          I had a friend in the past and out of the blues I started doing that, I always did find something unique about this friend and I sent it to him. Sometimes, it was hard for me to find something good or nice, especially when he had got on my nerves or his shortcomings were glaring at me, but God gave me grace and every new day had something new and different. I didn’t know I sowed a seed in the life of this young man cos months, if not a year later, he revealed to me what those words did to him.

        Please y’all, start building your partner up. Every man is looking for attestation that he is still the man.  Harboring on his negatives and shortcoming is less likely to bring a change in him, rather its gonna push the person farther away or make them antagonistic. Its surprising when someone think they are changing their bad habit for you and you don’t see that, rather all you do is hammer on their shortcomings—before you say Jack Robinson, they start getting defensive and claiming they can never get it right with you.

         Nobody is perfect, not even you—no matter what you would like to believe. Think to yourself, if only he/she could open his/her mouth to tell you what they think of you, you will regret ever thinking negatively about them. Who is to say he likes your smile, style of dressing, mannerism etc, but he puts up with it. Unconsciously we put ourselves up, higher than our partners. He has kept quiet and has refused to talk about things he hates about you, show some class and quit talking about what you hate about him. How about saying what you like about him.

             My words, my views, my style! Naijagirl©2009

Published in: on May 30, 2009 at 2:45 am  Comments (23)