My wedding

Mr. 1: I have told you nne, the only wedding I shall do is court wedding. I am not having a white/church wedding.

Mr. 2: Another wedding? After all the money I spent for the things your family and kinsmen demanded? I don’t have money for any wedding. You are on your own…..sweetie.

Miss 1: ahhh, the devil is a liar ooo. Oti ooo. All my life I have dreamt and planned my wedding and now you want to rob me of it. I must have my wedding. Haven’t you heard a wedding is the happiest day for the bride? The wedding is not for you, it’s for me. As the groom, you are just there to fill in the gap.

Miss 2: what if I get the money for the wedding, all you need to do is show up in your tux; don’t worry about any other thing, is that ok?

        Every weekend, there is a wedding or some sort of celebration going on somewhere, however,  I was opportune to learn of the conversations above and it got me thinking about weddings and the emphasis we place on them. What’s in a wedding? What is in a wedding that makes brides go ga ga and guys to seek out hiding places?  Of what use is a wedding?

         Before you answer, remember that for a bride, her wedding day is her day to shine. If she was never a celebrity, she becomes a celebrity on her wedding day. She gets to sign autographs too. If you have never had a party, it’s a day to celebrate you. You are the princess and the visitors pay homage. If you have never experienced happiness—it’s supposed to be a happy day for you. Some women are trained for their position as wives from a tender age, and the wedding signifies the day the public would bear witness that you are truly married and able to start your wifely duties. Your wedding day is a significant day and used as a marker for most life events; it gives you the opportunity to correctly use “my wedding night” in a sentence.

       No sane person goes into a real/true marriage with the intent of divorcing; for these people, it’s believed you get married once and what better way to celebrate your union than to call friends and well wishers to share in your happiness. Over the years much hype have been placed on the wedding itself, so much so, that most people spend more time thinking of how their wedding would be as opposed to how their marriage would be. This ought not to be, but in the quest for what the best wedding is, the brides have taken the honor of being the fore runners whereas the guys get to fill in the gap like the “Miss” said.

       Most people might refuse wedding like Mr. 2 ‘cos of the cost, but you can always have a simple wedding as opposed to the society weddings. It depends on what you both agree on as a couple; a wedding might be the first of many decisions the both of you will take as a couple, so make a wise decision as regards to that, and please, pretty please , don’t deny a lady a wedding day. She might go with what you say, but it will always hunt her. A half wedding is better than a no wedding (naijagirl©2009)

        With that said, my question is “who is the wedding for?” who benefits from the wedding (A) the groom (b) the bride (c) both (d) none of the above (e) the parents 

As you ponder over these questions, take time to enjoy the clip below

                  My words, my views, my style! Naijagirl©2009

Published in: on June 17, 2009 at 5:02 am  Comments (25)  

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25 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. 1st Again!!! I’m on track!!! 😀

    • hahaha Ochuko you are on a roll…..see our rigging worked

  2. ahn ahn ochuko that is my spot o, abeg shift jare..

  3. Well the wedding seems to be for the bride only, but it should be for both parties.

    lol@ Miss 1 oti oo. she has been planning the wedding all her life . haba how will she say he is only there to fill in the gap( na exam dem dey write).shuoo it is a wa o.

  4. Perhaps its her day to shine.. But honestly.. the kind of things I see on Facebook……. I wonder if people think… A friend told me of a relative who insists that she must be chauffeured in a Limousine in Lagos.. because she is an American citizen… Maybe that is why dudes are obtaining the cow and milking it surreptitiously these

  5. for Naija,
    it seems like the wedding is actually for the parents oh!
    i mean some peeps i know who got married where located across the Atlantic, and could possibly have had a comfortable wedding there, just fine.

  6. @BSNC… sentiments exactly; wedding should be for both parties, but over the years, it seems as if its just for the bride or family as chayoma has stated
    @Danny…There was never a manual or book that said this is how a wedding ought to be or that people will be chauffered; these are ideas/desires/wishes that stem from what we see around us. Like you said, yes, this is why some men are running away from the concept of weddings. People use weddings to do things they have never and dont plan on doing again in their lives–being an american citizen doesnt equate being chauffer driven so that particular excuse is *coughs*. people borrow to throw society weddings and after the wedding, they start eating from hand to mouth…..but abeg Danny, no go join the chorus of people milking the cow. if you milk cow finish, wetin go happen when monkey go market.

  7. @Chayoma….Thats an interesting twist to it–its not for the couples but for their parents. Parents use that opportunity to live through their kids.

  8. Ok I’m back. Kudos on your new copyright 😀
    I believe the wedding details should be a mutual agreement with both parties ready to compromise on one thing or another.
    So, to your questions:
    Who is the wedding for? (C) Both
    Who benefits from the wedding? (F) all of the above and the guests 🙂

    • hahaha, didnt know you noticed my copyright. hope you are good.
      I like the fact that you added the guests among the people who enjoy the wedding.
      what happens when one party eg the groom refuses a wedding and the bride wants one?

  9. What the family and kinsmen demanded? Now that bothers me. I understand parents and immediate family but kinsmen ke?
    I might seem over the top- but my wedding is for me and my husband- and i’ll make that clear to my family. I’m not marrying who they feel is right, i’m not having my wedding where they want or how they want. And if na money- thank God i no bi spring chicken- very small intimate wedding go do me.
    we need to focus more on the marriage rather than the wedding day. for someone like me who isnt from a wealthy home- the bigger the wedding the more debt for me. Imagine entering a marriage with debt. thats trouble from the get go.

    • ahhh my dear Tigeress, if you see the demands and long list, you can only understand why some men dump their fiancees before they hit the alter….just cos of the list. Family have their lists, relations have theirs, kinsmen, clansmen, etc….people wey you no even sabi. God help you if you actually went to school cos the more achievements, the more demands.

      as for entering marriage with debts….hmmmmm, a lot has been known to do that. How foolish you think, but then thats the cost of wanting to leave beyond your means

  10. Hello!!
    Another lovely post! You mean some brides sign autographs??? (LOL)
    I think weddings are for parents first, then the bride second (in my sisters’ experiences, anyway. There were so many things they had to go along with because my folks wanted to. Sighs).

    And, I want to give a late congratulations on your anniversary as well as >100th post 🙂

    • Thanks Cider. lol, wetin you wan make i talk? they sign autographs now, afterall they be mini celebrities for that, the wedding was for your parent’s first huh.

      my dear, my 100th post is coming up in the next post, not yet, so reserve that congrats until next. thanks in advance

  11. Kai, you are entering dangerous territory with this oh!

    I actually had a court wedding. But, my mother wants a white wedding back home, you know the way we Naija folks do it. =) Being as my mother has always managed to be very understanding of the person I am and the choices I make, I figure I will grant her that wish.

    But that being said, weddings mean different things to different people and I wouldn’t dare try to rationalize it. All I know is my mama wants a white wedding and the works, and I will try to oblige, when I win the lottery. lol!

    Nice post though. Off to read other people’s comments.

    • I think parents use weddings to try to live through their kids; either that or they want to express themselves through the weddings, afterall, they are sending their daughter/son off.

  12. i love weddings…its something you do once in my opinion…so it should be a day all ur dreams of a beautiful wedding come through.this is simply my opinion.

    • i agree, but imagine meeting someone who does not wish for a wedding at all. To him, its a no no…, dont you think we shall be having an issue?

  13. Nice post! I wrote a long comment yesterday, I should have been first! Lol! Personally, I would rather have a church blessing, I, Mr, parents, immeadiate family and close friends in attendance and then we go to lunch! But then my belief is give to Ceaser what belongs to Ceaser so it may well end up being Court/Registry; the state is happy; traditional (parents are happy) and church (I am happy) because that’s the most important for me, taking my vows in the presence of my earthly, spiritual and Heavenly father!

    • lol, well maybe next post you will be first.

      Give to ceasar what belongs to ceasar….i love that

      abeg, whats your blog site?

  14. Hmnnn… werrin I go say now ooo?

    Wedding is a day specially for the bride and groom and they should have the liberty of enjoying it in their own special way.

    The money spent is not from the groom only now…getting marries itself is a blessing and once you announce the intention, the money keeps flowing in from friends, families and well wishers as well…

    So, although you don’t have to wait for that though but your wedding should be a thing to be celebrated and a thing wey go bring smile on your face….

    Howdy-do gurl?
    Have you tried my tomato recipe?…lol


    • sassy, abeg, send me the contacts you have cos the ones I know no dey send money when you announce your wedding. wetin go happen if the mister refuses a wedding?

      sassy you don carry come……you get first aid kit or abi na emergency police on line in case of reactions? you don try yurs? i go be your manager. i can see it now….imagine us appearing on TV, Radio, posters with our name brand…ahhhh, sassy, catch this vision with me ooo

  15. it should be a thing of joy for everybody involved..but the man thinks of his pocket…so i think the couple sld just resolve it amongst themselves..find a common ground that will make both happy..

  16. ah, Brenda Fassie’s it’s ur wedding day…

    I think both bride n groom should enjoy the day, though more attention is usually paid to the bride…A wedding is not as important as the marriage itself, so the couple really need to work with their pockets and only stretch things to the extent that they can afford, nothing more!

  17. @Simeone….its finding that common ground that is the most important….the road to finding the common ground is what we are after.
    @Doyin….my dear, good old Brenda. I recall listening to this song almost every weekend when they are announcing an upcoming nuptial on the radio or tv. I wish all couple could take this advice…stretch to the size of your pocket

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