Why Obama would not have won in Naija…

       Every naija man is jumping up and down as if to say obama is going to adopt all of us into his family, or perhaps invite us to white house. Many have come to claim Obama as a long lost brother, cousin, father, grandfather….that’s talk for another day. Many have changed their children’s name to Obama, many have started using Obama as point of reference when praying to God. Any call from outside the US starts with how’s our brother Obama? How are you enjoying with Obama? What is Obama doing today……Like I live inside the white house with him.

          When Ghana conducted their elections few weeks ago, we rejoiced with them and commended them on their fair election, yet we wail and cry when its time for our own elections. We are excited for Obama but we forget that if he was a naija man in naija, he would not have won the election…..because

          Obama would have to be born into the “right” family

          Obama would have to know the right people, and have a political godfather  (who he may end up fighting with months after he’s declared winner)

          Obama would have to suck up or kiss the butts of the people mentioned above

          Obama may have to share ammunitions to young boys (college students or unemployed graduates) See full size imageto go to the different villages and towns and shoot down anyone who disrupted them from carrying the poll boxes on election day

      

Obama would have to learn the rules of rigging

          Obama would have to grease the palm of the INEC office

          Obama would have to get older both physically and age wise

          Obama would have to go to rallies throwing money around

          Obama may have to have more than one wife or many children

          Obama may have to change his religion

          Obama would have to learn that there is nothing like free and fair election

          Obama would need bouncers, no I don’t mean SSS, I mean bouncers whose roles are well clairified

          Obama may need to find a native doctor emeritus or a prayer house

          Obama would have to eliminate all his opponents….in kind or cash; he may have to kidnap Hillary or John McCain or their family members

          Obama would have to be taught that education is a …what was that word again…a privilege and not a necessity….he would have been taught that his top priorities which are health insurance would be least priority….Michelle would have been taught that its only men who are involved in politics….in other words, don’t be seen campaigning for/with your husband. Sasha and Malia would have been sent abroad…for safety. Hillary would have been taught to sit her behind down, she would have been taught that it is a man’s world, man’s politics, man’s lifestyle. Her role is to be mama Iyabo

          Votes would not have been counted yet a winner would have been announced

          Obama would not have been elected but selected….and he better be in the winning party

          He would have discarded his charisma long ago

          Any TV station that helped him like SNL did with the caricature of Palin would have been closed down and the artistes would have been declared missing

          NEPA/Power Holding would have played a big role in ensuring that there is inadequate supply of light for citizens to view the frequent internet or TV ads

          The noise from the I pass my neighbor generator would have been so much that those with light would not be able to hear what Obama is saying on TV

But then again…….he is not naija, he won and we are all happy for him ‘cos we are naija and we like good things….Obama, Obama, Obama…..Yes we can, Yes we did, Yes!

 

My words, my views, my style! Naijagirl©2009

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Published in: on January 27, 2009 at 1:55 am  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. LOL.. i totally ‘agree’.. Infact the part of his children taken abroad for safety is reality..lol..
    plus he would never have raised so much money via the internet cos of ‘yahoo-yahoo’ boys(?).. lol


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